The Purge When You Die
I saw a movie a long time ago, I can’t remember the name of it, but I do remember it was very “Hallmark Special” in theme and presentation. It wasn’t the plot of the movie that captivated my attention however, so much as one of the characters.
She was an elder, a “medicine woman,” though I doubt she would have called herself that. I associate her with that title because her methods of healing match that name better than any other I can come up with. She was a healer, a mid-wife, an herbalist and a spiritualist. I’m an herbalist myself so I was intrigued.
The story goes that this “medicine woman” has a granddaughter who has been learning from her since she could walk. The granddaughter helps her with home visits and assists her with all kinds of things. The time-frame is a bit vague, but it gives a 1950’s vibe.
At a home visit, the young granddaughter witnesses someone die. Being young for such things, the overall experience turned out to be somewhat traumatic for her. Bear in mind that this child has helped with wounds, puss-filled infections, even births, so she was no stranger to some of what the human body is capable of.
Death, however, was a different kind of experience for her, she’d only seen the dead after the fact, she’d never seen the “purge,” as her gran called it.
Grandmother: “When someone foams at the mouth upon dying it indicates a great back-jam of truths and desires and wishes that they never spoke, purging spills it out of ‘em.”
Granddaughter: “Like a dead man saying he’s sorry?”
Grandmother: “yes”
The granddaughter grows up and by the time she becomes a young woman the grandmother dies. As she delivers the eulogy, the young woman makes note of how her granny never purged. “She always said exactly what was on her mind and never regretted anything she ever did.”
While that might be a sound enough story to make a movie out of, especially a feel-good Hallmark vehicle that drops you off in Super Sunny Happy Valley, it isn’t real. While it’s true that there are varied physiological reactions when people die, whether they have regrets or not simply isn’t a proven factor, it’s more an “old wives tale.”
Of course for the totally tactless this is great news. It means you’ve been right all along, speak your mind without hesitation, forget about tact or respect, whether it be self respect or respect for whomever you are interacting with. Right?
“Tact is just saying stuff that isn’t true.” -Cordelia Chase
On the other hand, it only takes a few test runs to see that a lot more is achieved through conversation rather than through confrontation. By using at least some tact, it’s situational these days, and demonstrating respect while being demonstrably respectable, things tend to go a lot more smoothly.
Going around talking about what you do all day, making sure people know all about it, means you aren’t actually doing it, no one has that kind of time. Knowing the right thing to do and then choosing to not do it is a bumpy road to nowhere.
Accountability before accusation plays it’s part as well. For the healer in me this relates to health because it’s about taking responsibility for ones own health and taking accountability for ones own destruction when necessary.
As it relates to the context in Happy Hallmark land, “purging,” as the grandmother describes it, was a real thing based on years of observation and knowing her patients as friends and neighbors. In other words, having all the information.
All too often people either accept everything they’re told without fact checking, or dismiss anything that doesn’t go along with what they want. That’s fine on the playground, but in real life, “adulting,” as the kids are so fond of saying, calls for your actions to speak louder, and not just when people are watching.
If, according to this theory, whether or not a person purges upon death is dependent upon how they lived their life, the story is just meant to remind people to live well and be good. I like that simple message. Being free of regret is a choice, just like holding on to regret is a choice.
Live right, do your best, and you’re all set. Is it really that simple?
Does choosing to be free of regret make you a sociopath or simply a cautious person? Do some people just not care enough to have regret? Are some people simply thinking before they act or speak and making informed decisions while considering consequence?
I’d say, “You be the judge,” but judgement is one of the biggest problems we have right now with communication. Which brings me back to having all the information. I was taught at one point to, “walk my post in a military manner keeping always on the alert and observing everything that takes place within sight or hearing.” I’m glad to be in the habit of having all the information.
At the end of the day, in the movie, it was simply a matter of not doing things one might later regret, generally that means thinking before acting. Simple.
So why are we dealing with such a rapid decline in common sense and thought before action in current culture? Why are people policing others about what they can say and how they should behave without even understanding it first, or having all the information.
Here’s a piece of information for you, no one is perfect, that is one of the biggest things that used to connect us as humans. But humans aren’t trying to be human OR humane anymore, they’re trying to be brands. Now they aren’t trying to make friends, they’re trying to get followers.
“You want more fans, I want more stage.” -Moldy Peaches
I’ll always be that theater kid studying human behavior and wondering why as time has passed, people keep getting dumber rather than smarter, more immature rather than more mature and really just having overall really messed up priorities.
Seriously, why have people gotten so friggin’ stupid?
